Big Fat Mouth
by TheCleverOne
Summary: LilyJames oneshot. One of Lily's many comebacks and refusals to James's never changing question changes the situation between them. All dialogue.


Big Fat Mouth

By Bian Northwind

Summary: Lily/James oneshot. One of Lily's many witty comebacks and refusals to James's never changing question lands her in a situation she has been avoiding her whole time at Hogwarts.

THIS IS IMPORTANT! EVERYBODY SHOULD READ IT! (unless of course you enjoy being confused...weird people...) This is an all dialogue story. If there are three periods on a line all by themselves, the person who just spoke is waiting for the other person to speak. Usually it's Lily that everyone is waiting for to speak/ giving people "the look" instead of answering. If the periods come before dialogue on the same line, it means that the person who is about to speak has paused to think/glare/count monkeys. No, just kidding (about the monkeys). There are parts in this story where people just look at each other, so I hope that doesn't confuse anybody.  
REVISION: FF wouldn't put the periods or astericks I had in there in my story unless they were put in a certain way (which I discovered, muhahaha), so I had to go back and change all that. I did, plus I added THE KEY (!) and changed the way each dialogue is written... so yeah. New and improved. Enjoy.

KEY (ALSO VERY IMPORTANT)

_Lily  
_**James  
**Sirius  
Remus (unless in parentheses)**  
**_  
_

* * *

**"Lily?" (poke, poke)**

**"Lily?" (poke, poke)**

**"Lily?" (poke, poke)**

**"Lily?" (poke, poke, POKE)**

_"Ow, Potter, that one bloody hurt! What the hell do you want?"_

**"Have you looked at the common room board lately?"**

_"Yes, I looked this morning. Does this conversation have a important purpose, because I need to do this bloody essay McGonagall assigned."_

**"Did you see the sign for the trip to Hogsmeade next weekend?"**

_"Yes, Potter, despite the fact Black tried to cover the board with pictures of himself. That boy needs therapy."_

**"Hey! That was my brilliant idea!"**

_"What, therapy?"_

**"No, the posters!" ... "What's therapy?"... "Ow! What was that for?"**

_"Trying to knock some sense into that thick thing you call a head and I call a hot air balloon someone drew a face on."_

**"Lily? What's a hot air balloon?"... "Hey, where are you going?"...**

**"Whee! I love trying to get into the girl's dormitory."**

* * *

**"Lily?" (poke, poke)**

_"Don't you dare start that again!"_

**"Start what?"**

_"Argh! James Potter, you are the most infuriating boy I have ever had the misfortune to meet!"_

"That is bloody insulting, Lily!"

_"Black, get away from me before I hex you!"_

...(James, Remus and Sirius are watching Lily walk away.)

"I cannot believe she said you were more infuriating than I am! How is that possible?"

"Oh, can it, Padfoot."

"But Muh-ooony! It's not fair!"

* * *

**"Lily- OW! What the bloody hell was that for?"...** **"I hate it when you give me that look. I never know what you are thinking."... "You know, I always thought it was a little gross how you can just pull thoughts out of your head if you want and they look like spaghetti! Its like you have noodles in your head! Wait, what are you doing- oh. Now I know what you were thinking. Lily-kins, that was very rude! How could you?"..."Would you _please_ stop looking at me like that?"... "Fine! I am leaving now!"**

_"FINALLY! I have discovered the cure for all my problems concerning James!"_

**"Lily! I am so proud of you! You called me James!"**

_"Damn."_

* * *

**"Lily?"**

_sigh_

**"Lily?"**

_"What, Potter?_"

**"Um..."**

_"Spit it out already, Potter, I really need to finish this homework for Arithmancy. It's first thing tomorrow."_

**"Can I take you to Hogmeade this weekend?"**

_"I don't know, can you?" gasp_

**"Yippee! Yes I can! I'll meet you in the common room at 10?" ... "Lily? Please close your mouth, its not very attractive." smack "Ow!"**

**"You're giving me a new look...is that a good sign? I think I need to go to bed. G'night Lily dearest."**

_(bang bang bang)_

"You know, Lily, it might just be me, but I could have sworn McGonagall warned you last week about hitting your head on tables. Must I report you?"

_"Oh, shove it, Remus. What the bloody hell just happened?"_

"You asked James if he could take you to Hogmeade tomorrow."

_"Damn, I was hoping it was a dream. Or rather, a nightmare."_

"Yeah, I know. How could you, Lily? I don't have 5 Galleons!"

_"Whoa. Wait, I thought you said this wasn't a dream?"_

"It's not!"

_"Then why did the conversation randomly switch to Galleons just now?"_

"Because! I lost a bet with Sirius!"

_"And what, may I ask, does that bet have to do with my demise?"_

"Oh, very funny, Lily. Really, you will be wasted at the Ministry." ... "That must be the 'look' James was babbling about a few nights ago."

_"Remus? You have 5 seconds to come up with a good story."_

"Or what?" ... "Oh. 'K, give me a minute."

_"What the bloody hell is taking so long to think about, Remus?"_

"I am trying to decide which story will result in the most severe maiming you are capable of."

_"It was Sirius's idea, wasn't it?"_

"Damn, you're good."

_"Thank you."_

... "Lily, what are you doing?"

_"What's it look like, pickle head? I am writing a thank you note."_

"Wait, but it's addressed to Sirius! What are you thanking him for?" ... "Oh. Gotcha. G'night Lily."

_"G'night Remus. Don't tell him, 'K?"_

"I am not such a complete pickle head as to think I should tell him that! Honestly, his head is inflated enough as it is. Work with him on that, would you?"

_"Whatever, Remus."_

* * *

Okay, I hope none of the dialogue confused anybody. If anyone is not sure who said something, just tell me WHAT PART IT IS (!!!) and I will try to edit the story to make it more clear. Thanks for reading! (and hopefully reviewing!) 

Bian Northwind

PS: Lily's line where she calls Remus a pickle head is from the movie Stuart Little. Its my favorite line from the movie, and it is so much fun to use! Try it! (on people who can take a joke, of course.)


End file.
